


Old Fashioned Romance

by IntoTheAbyssWeGo



Series: Old Fashioned Romance [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Parent, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Alternate Universe - School, Dealing With Trauma, Falling In Love, Good Friends, Good Slytherins, Good and Bad adults, Growing Up Together, Jane Eyre References, Letters, Lonely Severus, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Old-Fashioned, Original Character(s), References to Jane Austen, Remus cares, Severus Is A Romantic, Severus Loves Classical Lit Novels, Severus copes with books, Severus needs to heal, Slow Burn, So is Remus, Tags May Change, Trauma, We love Carrie, Young Remus Lupin, Young Severus Snape, carrie is trying, flash backs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29776800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheAbyssWeGo/pseuds/IntoTheAbyssWeGo
Summary: After going through such a traumatic experience, can Severus once again open up to the friends he made? Or will he close himself off and push them away? He finds himself trying to grasp at the comfort his books used to bring him, but after experiencing true friendship he is unable to draw the same peace from them as he once could. Hoping to reach out, but unable to figure out how, Severus feels as though he is drowning and all he can do is continue to write the letters that go nowhere.Navigating relationships is difficult and all three of them are struggling to deal with their own demons. We continue the story as our trio go through the trials of life together, hoping that the storms don't tear them apart.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Series: Old Fashioned Romance [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2185005
Comments: 47
Kudos: 39





	1. Hidden Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go again people! If you haven't read the first part, I highly encourage it so you can get the back story, otherwise you'll be pretty lost.

Remus inhaled sharply as his eyes took in the boy before him. Severus’s skin was a distorted patchwork of colors. Mottled reds, purples, greens, yellows, and browns covered his face and neck. One of his eyes was almost swollen shut and his lips were split and puffy. There were marks on his neck that looked suspiciously like fingers and his hands were covered in scratches that had barely started to scab over. Remus felt bile rise in the back of his throat as his eyes finally locked onto Severus’s. Everything about the boy was horrifying, but what scared Remus most of all were the dead, flat eyes staring back at him. 

It felt as though the world stilled around them for a breath and then Severus merely turned and walked away. Time broke open again and Carrie was the first to recover from her shocked silence. 

“S-Severus… Severus! SEVERUS!” Carrie lunged after him reaching out to pull him back to her. Before she could go anywhere, however, Remus’s hand shot out and latched onto her arm. Twisting as hard as she could, she tried to break his hold as she fought to follow Severus. 

“L-let go! Let me GO! Let _go_ R-Remus! I h-have to go after h-im! I have t-to talk to him!” Tears were streaming down her face as she battled against the hold Remus now had on her. The people around them were giving them a wide berth as Carrie’s yells escalated into shrill cries of desperation. 

It was not only Carrie’s outburst he was fighting against, but the wolf’s as well. Before Remus had time to register what was happening, the wolf slammed against his consciousness in a frothing rage. For a second, Remus wanted nothing more than to tear out the throats of all the people who surrounded them. To hunt down whoever had done this to his mate and eviscerate them. Locking all of his muscles in place, it was only through sheer force of will that Remus was able to tamp down on the fury within him. 

Remus’s body shook violently, but he merely hugged Carrie closer as he tried to get her attention by speaking in a low, soothing voice. “Carrie. Carrie, please! I know you want to go after him, but we can’t right now. We can’t. He needs space, Carrie. Even if you talked to him right now, he wouldn’t be able to listen. Nothing we say to him right now will get through to him. Please! I need you to breathe, can you do that for me?” His voice broke on the last word as he failed to hold back his own tears. It wouldn’t do for both of them to be frantic. Trying to take his own deep breaths, Remus told himself he could cry later, but now was not the time. 

The message must have finally gotten through to her because she suddenly went limp in his arms. Turning around, she started sobbing into his chest as she clung to him. A platform worker approached them to ask if they needed any assistance to which Remus asked if they had anything that could help heal an injury. Nodding, the wizard requested that they follow him to the front of the train where they kept some in case of emergencies. 

Keeping a tight hold on Carrie’s shoulders, Remus led the still weeping girl to one of the loos on the train and told her he would be back for her in a bit. The attendant was able to produce a glass of water for her and Remus made her promise that she would stay there taking deep breaths. He then followed the attendant to the front to see what options they had. After choosing a salve that could be spread over the skin and a basic pain potion, Remus went in search of Severus. 

Walking along the train cars, Remus thought about where those bruises must have come from and he once again had to fight against vomiting in the middle of the train. Rage flashed through him again as the wolf renewed its efforts to fight its way to the surface, demanding justice for its mate. Something snapped and he looked down at his hand in vague surprise as he realized he was suddenly holding a broken door handle. Realizing there was nothing he could do to fix it in his state of mind, he merely set it down next to the door and kept moving. Someone else could deal with it. 

Several students called out to him as he made his way down the train looking in each compartment, but he ignored them all. A scent drifted by him and he stiffened, recognizing it immediately. As he followed the scent, Remus couldn’t seem to stop himself from breaking into a run. Pulling up to the very last compartment, he screeched to a halt. 

Inside the compartment, Severus sat hugging his knees to his chest, looking out the window. His face was still a blank mask that reminded Remus of the still waters of a dark lake. What depths the calm waters held without revealing any of the secrets that lay beneath. It almost felt like a sacred moment that Remus would be punished for interrupting and so he stood there for several minutes unable to bring himself to break the other boy’s solitude. 

Remembering that he had to get back to Carrie, Remus took a fortifying breath and slowly slid the door open to step inside. Severus gave no indication that he had heard anyone enter, his empty eyes gazing sightlessly out of the window. 

“... Severus,” Remus whispered. When he received no reply, he continued quietly, “I’ve brought you some healing ointment and a pain potion…” Once again, he was greeted by silence and so he merely set the potions gently next to Severus and backed away slowly. “I need to go find Carrie. We’ll give you a few days, so take your time, but just know we’ll be here when you need us.” At that, Remus exited the compartment and stepped to the side of the door so he could look in without being seen. 

Severus slowly looked down at the potions next to him and seemed to contemplate them for a minute. Then with stiff motions, he grabbed the pain potion and drank it. Remus watched as the hard line of Severus’s shoulders relaxed a fraction. His own shoulders mirrored the action unconsciously as he breathed a little more freely. Severus then took the salve and started applying it to his skin mechanically. The movements looked so practiced that Remus wondered just how many times Severus had done this before. 

Everything inside of him, including the wolf, wanted nothing more than to go back inside the compartment and take Severus into his arms, to hold the other boy, comfort him, whisper endearments to him, and take away all of his pain. He knew that doing so now, however, would only exacerbate the problem and potentially drive Severus away from him. 

Walking back down the train to find Carrie, Remus tried not to be swallowed by his anxieties. How could he help in this situation? What could he possibly do? He had never dealt with a situation like this before and had no idea how to help. Everything he had done up until this point had been fairly instinctual, but now he was lost. Where did he go from here? 

The only person who might know how to help was Madam Pomfrey. Realizing this was his best bet, he squared his shoulders. As soon as they got back to Hogwarts, Remus was going to visit Poppy and ask her for advice. He was sure that she would be able to help him navigate this minefield. They might even be able to help Severus in the long run. There was no bloody way on the face of this planet that Remus was going to let him go back to whoever had done this to him. 

Stopping short in the middle of the hallway, a memory flashed in Remus’s mind. Severus saying goodbye to him and Carrie at the train station. Severus had seemed oddly somber after exams and had only become more quiet and withdrawn as the break drew closer. That day, he had barely spoken a word and had clung tightly to Remus during their hug. Remus had smelled the distress and sadness radiating off of Severus, but was unable to ask if the other boy was alright because Severus had suddenly broken away from the hug, leaving without looking back. Remus had tried to assure himself that it was only because Severus was sad to be separated from his new friends. He knew better now. 

Feeling the bile rise once again, he was unable to hold back anymore and ducked into the closest toilet to void his guts. 

After giving himself a minute to recuperate, he stood shakily by the sink and rinsed the bile out of his mouth. Searching for Carrie took awhile, but he eventually found her alone in a compartment with silent tears sliding down her cheeks. Without saying anything, Remus sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. She buried her face in his shirt and simply held on for the duration of the ride. 

“Carrie we need to talk,” Remus broke the silence hours later. “We need to discuss what we’re going to do about this.” 

Sitting up and wiping her puffy eyes and blotchy face, she simply nodded, unable to trust her voice at the moment. 

“Earlier I went and gave Severus some salve and pain potion, but I don’t think either of us should interact with him directly for a couple of days. That being said, I think we should still sit next to him and say ‘hi’ and stuff, but I don’t think we should directly ask him any questions or overwhelm him with our own emotions or opinions.” Sighing as he slumped back into his seat, he scrubbed his face with a hand. 

“I’ll be honest, I have no bloody idea what to do in this situation, but I do know Severus needs space and I also know we can’t just abandon him. It’s a tricky bind, but I’m going to talk to Madam Pomfrey as soon as I possibly can and then we can go from there.” 

Clearing her throat and sniffing a little, Carrie opened and shut her mouth a couple of times trying to get her words out. “I… I also I have no bloody fucking idea what to do. But R-Remus, his face. His throat. Who the bloody fucking hell could do that to him?! H-he’s just a kid!” 

Remus could tell she was working herself back up into a state as tears started to spill down her face again. Reaching out to take her hand, he looked intently into her eyes saying, “Carrie, I know you’re furious. I am too. Beyond furious. I’m sick to my stomach just thinking about it, but we can’t lose our heads. I might not know how to handle this situation, but I do know that if we have emotional breakdowns around Severus, we will only drive him away.” 

Remus turned to fully face her and took her other hand as well, “That’s why I think we need to give him space. It’s for all three of us. We need to calm down so we can speak with him in a calm and rational manner and he needs time to get back into the flow of school. Maybe then we’ll all be a bit more ready to face this together. Please promise me you won’t try to get answers out of him before he’s ready.” Carrie looked at him dubiously, but nodded slowly despite her clear reservations. 

Once the train pulled up and the students started making their way towards the carriages, Remus and Carrie found Severus in the crowd and simply walked silently with him. As they passed by the first carriage, however, Severus stopped for a moment and seemed to look into the empty space in front of it. A spark of life entered his eyes for a brief moment and his hand reached out to seemingly brush against something. As they continued forward, Remus held on to that moment. He had no idea what triggered that spark of life in Severus’s eyes, but it meant that there was still hope. 

It was such a surreal experience for Remus to be physically near Severus while the other boy was mentally miles away. As soon as they had entered the carriages, Severus had pulled out one of his books, and started reading. Remus looked around and noticed that the other students who were with them were shooting weird looks at Severus. Just as he angled his body to cover him from their gazes, he saw Carrie giving them all death glares. Unable to handle the clear threat in her eyes, they dropped their gazes and started whispering to each other. 

Their journey into the castle was much the same. Severus never raised his eyes from his book and Carrie and Remus guarded him from the invasive stares of those around them. Instead of going to the Great Hall for the feast, however, Severus headed straight for the dungeons. It was physically painful for Remus to watch him walk away and he once again had to grab hold of Carrie as she attempted to follow Severus. 

He shook his head and led her to the Gryffindor table where they sat silently through the whole feast. Looking up periodically, he wondered at how much food Carrie was eating. Remus was barely able to eat a few mouthfuls due to the fact that everything suddenly tasted like ash. Pushing his food around his plate, he began to get concerned as Carrie piled more and more food on her own. He didn’t have it in him to stop her from the one thing that was bringing her comfort in the moment, however, so he merely watched as she ate plate after plate. 

Without warning, Carrie stood up and with her head hanging, she informed Remus that she was going to the kitchens to request a special meal be delivered to Severus in his room. Nodding slightly, Remus watched as she ran from the hall. Sighing, he looked back down at his plate. Maybe he should skip out early as well. It looked like Madam Pomfrey had already left to go back to the hospital wing anyways, so he could take that extra time to go talk to her about everything. 

With renewed purpose, Remus stood up and hastily made his way towards the hospital wing. It was amazing how entering through the big doors made him immediately relax. This had always been a place of healing and comfort for him and it seemed as though his body knew he would find the peace here that he dearly needed. Sure enough, he found Madam Pomfrey in her office and he knocked softly on the door frame. 

Looking up in slight surprise, Poppy immediately smiled when she saw who her visitor was. “Remus, my dear, welcome back! I’m glad you’re not stumbling out of my fireplace this time,” registering his ashen face, her smile faltered a little. “I take it this isn’t a simple social call, however. What can I do for you, dear?” 

“Hullo Poppy, it’s good to see you. I… I really need help with something.” Nodding her understanding, she patted the seat next to her. “It’s not about me… it’s for a friend. I… He…” Suddenly, the day’s events caught up fully with Remus and he could do nothing to stop the tears as they started to fall. 

Trying to talk through his hitching breaths, Remus explained everything to her. Poppy had pulled him into a hug as he talked about how he had tried to be there for both of his friends, but had had no idea what to actually do or how to truly help. She held him for a few more minutes as he took shuddering breaths once he was done explaining. 

Pulling gently back from the hug, she looked down at Remus with concerned care. After handing him a piece of chocolate to nibble on she said, “Remus, thank you for coming to me about this. I think you were very brave and mature to handle the situation the way that you did. This is a very serious matter, and I shall look into it directly.” 

Sighing, she put a hand over her eyes, “Truthfully, Remus dear, it’s a very hard thing to hear as a healer that there are people out there who willingly inflict pain on those around them. Especially on innocents who cannot hope to defend themselves.” Giving him a small smile she continued, “But that is one of the reasons I became a healer. Others might inflict pain and damage, but you and I will help to heal those wounds, won’t we?” 

Remus nodded at her with wide eyes, suddenly realizing that that was what he wanted more than anything. He wanted to help heal all the wounds of those who were hurting, especially Severus. The physical wounds and the hidden wounds. He would not rest until he had helped Severus begin his journey towards healing. 

“You have very good instincts, Remus. I think what you did was the best possible thing to do in such a difficult situation. You’re right in thinking that Severus needs time and space to process what he was forced to go through. I doubt he will come here on his own, but I need you to bring him here, if you can, so that I can do an exam on him and make sure that none of the wounds are left untreated. We wouldn’t want an internal injury to go unnoticed. If he won’t listen to you, I’ll bring him in myself.” 

Remus had to stop himself from leaving to immediately go get Severus. Holding tightly to his chair, he took a deep breath and listened to the rest of what Poppy had to say. 

“After that, I think you’ll have to prepare for the fact that it may take a very long while for him to actually open up about what has happened to him. People who go through such traumatic events tend to shut down and have difficulty speaking of what they’ve been through. He might lash out in anger, experience a depressed state of mind, and it is more than likely that he will try to push you away if you try to force information out of him. 

For now, the best thing you can do is treat him like you always have. Speak to him normally and let him come to you when he’s ready. I think you’ll be able to sense the moment that he’s ready to let you back in. 

Perhaps once he is willing to talk about what has happened to him, he can come visit me again. I’ve been trained as a mind healer as well and as such will hopefully be able to help him beyond healing his physical injuries.” 

Remus had always known that Poppy was an amazing person, but it was in that moment that he knew just what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. “Hey Poppy?” He asked with a small voice. “Do you think I could become a healer like you? I know I’m a werewolf, and things will be difficult. I don’t know what my future is going to look like, but would you be willing to take me on as an apprentice? I… I want to help take away people’s pain. I want to help them heal.” 

Poppy’s eyes misted over as she looked at the boy in front of her with a warm, trembling smile. “Yes dear, I can take you on as an apprentice. If you start practicing now with hard work and dedication, I’m sure you’ll become one of the finest healers the wizarding world will ever know.”


	2. Settling the Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - flashbacks to abuse/domestic violence  
> \- passive suicidal thoughts 
> 
> Please be careful when reading and take care of yourselves my dears!

_The house was small and there was nowhere to run. The door. He had to get to the door. Harsh breaths pounded out of his lungs as he sprinted down the hall. This time was different, he could tell. He might not survive this one. Reaching the door, he scrabbled at the handle, adrenaline coursing through him, but it wasn’t turning. Suddenly, a blow knocked him to the ground. As the world spun around him, fingers curled around his neck. His lungs weren’t working. Breathe! He needed to breathe!!_

Severus sat up in a wild-eyed panic, drawing his wand and immediately let out a hiss of pain as his ribs protested. Regulus Black jumped back from the bed holding his hands up. 

“Bloody hell, Snape! Relax! It’s just me.” 

Letting out his breath slowly, Severus lowered his wand and glared at the source that had apparently woken him up. “What do you want, Black?” 

Rolling his eyes, Regulus crossed his arms and replied, “I’ve been sent to tell you that your Gryffindor is waiting out in the hall. He said Pomfrey wants him to bring you to the Hospital Wing and that if you don’t come out, he’ll send Callyn in after you. Apparently Pomfrey will come fetch you herself if you don’t go to her willingly.” 

Severus gripped his wand tighter as his eyes narrowed, causing Regulus to huff another sigh. “Look, Snape. I know it’s none of my business, but you look like you were trampled by a herd of centaurs. You’ll have to go either way, so you might as well go willingly.” At that, Regulus went over to his side of the room and started to get ready for bed. 

Severus knew he was right, but he didn’t want to go. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to close his eyes and simply fade away out of existence. If he never woke up… well, then none of this would matter, would it? 

Knowing Remus would make good on his threats, Severus’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Why couldn’t they all just leave him alone? _Because they’re your friends_ a voice whispered in the back of his mind. Scoffing, Severus shook his head as he slowly raised himself off the bed. Friends. He didn’t need friends. He didn’t want friends. Not real life ones, anyway. Knowing the good things this world had to offer had ultimately made his life worse than it was before. If he had never known true happiness, the pain wouldn’t have hurt as badly. After this, he would stop talking to them, maybe then he could go back to his solitude and the future pain wouldn’t be as unbearable. 

Severus grabbed his favorite book and stuffed it into his bag. He then made his way slowly through the common room, keeping his eyes down, hoping no one would try to start anything with him. If they did, he’d probably just lay down and take it anyways. He had no more energy left to fight. 

_His head snapped to the side as another blow landed. He still couldn’t breathe. His hands tried to feebly pry the fingers away. The ringing in his ears drowned out the yelling and pleading._

Going through the passage, he stepped out into the hallway, and sure enough, there was Remus leaning against the other wall, waiting for him. Without saying anything, Severus simply turned towards the Hospital Wing and started walking. 

It rather surprised Severus when Remus merely caught up with him and silently accompanied him on his way. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Where were the inevitable, hateful questions? As the silence stretched, Severus began to relax a little as he realized Remus wasn’t going to ask anything about what had happened to him. Good. Not only was he never going to talk about it, he really didn’t have the energy to discuss anything at the moment. Both boys remained quiet the whole journey. 

_Suddenly the floor rushed up to meet him and he crumpled to the ground gasping for air. A weight seemed to cover him and what little he could see was blotted out. Mother._

Shaking his head to clear it, Severus refused to acknowledge the concerned look Remus threw him. Remus didn’t say anything as they entered the Hospital Wing, though. He also didn’t say anything during Severus’s exam, or when his cracked ribs, wrist, fingers, and concussion were all healed. He didn’t say anything as they were both given chocolate and Severus was sent to sleep on one of the beds. Remus merely sat next to his bed while Severus closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. It was only when the last warning bell for curfew sounded that Severus felt a soft brush of fingers against his forehead and a whispered sentence. 

“Good night, Severus. Sweet dreams. I’ll see you tomorrow.” It was only after Remus left that Severus sat up and grabbed the book Remus had given him. After taking the dreamless sleep potion that had been offered to him, he snuggled down into the bed. If he clung tightly to the book as he drifted off to sleep, well... no one had to know. 

The next few days were very confusing for Severus. Carrie and Remus would greet him, sit next to him, walk with him, but they never engaged him in conversation. He was both grateful and frustrated and he didn’t know how to respond. As a result, he dealt with everything the best way he knew how - by burying himself in his books even deeper than before. 

It was easy enough to bury himself in his studies and to read his books in any and all free time he possessed. It was better this way. Then he wouldn’t have to think. He could just ignore everything and lose himself in the manners, wit, balls, intrigues, scandals, and worries of other people. Why worry about your own problems when you can simply ignore them and read about someone else’s? Apathy surrounded Severus as time went on and as each day passed, he seemed to care less and less about what went on around him. It took too much energy to care. 

Two weeks passed like this, and he was more than happy to continue the pattern for the rest of his life, but it seemed Carrie had other plans. She had entered his bedroom, kicking Regulus out with a glare and stood before Severus’s bed with her hands on her hips. 

“I know Remus made me promise not to talk to you before you were ready, but I can’t take this anymore! Severus you _have_ to talk to us. You look like shite! You’re barely eating, the bags under your eyes make it seem like you haven’t slept since you got back, and you don’t do anything but study and read! I can’t stand watching you wither away any more!” Trying to reach out to him, she drew her hand back quickly as Severus flinched away from her touch. 

Tears welled in her eyes as she balled her hands into fists. “I c-can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, Severus! I know you’re going through a hard time right now but we’re your friends! We could’ve helped you! You should’ve said something! I know -” 

Suddenly the antipathy of the past few weeks snapped and in its place was sheer fury. Carrie took a shocked step back as Severus suddenly shot onto his feet glaring at her. 

“Know? _Know?_ What could you possibly _know_ about me, Carrie? What could you possibly know what I’ve been through?! The pain I’ve endured?! You with your perfect family, perfect clothes, perfect background, _your perfect little life_?” Severus was shaking and he couldn’t seem to stop the poison as it left his mouth. 

“You want to know? You could’ve _helped_? You want to know how it was your and Remus’s letters that sent my father into such a bloody rage that he beat me black and blue? You want to know how I was beaten and broken and how I tried to escape but couldn’t?! You could’ve _saved_ me from my father who tried to choke me to death?! Well…” He said with a sneer, “forgive me if I seriously doubt any of that.” 

Carrie’s face was now deathly pale as she stood there shaking, staring at him in horror. She shakily breathed out in a trembling voice, “You’re right...I don't understand the hell you’ve been through…” At this, she turned and exited the room and Severus was left with no outlet for his anger. He wanted to yell and scream and break everything, but he knew that wouldn’t fix anything and so he ran. 

Running as fast as he could blindly through the halls, he had no idea where he was going. All he knew was that he needed to get away. It was as he rounded a corner that he ran straight into one of the last people he ever wanted to see. 

Stumbling back, James Potter tried to keep his balance while glaring at Severus. 

“Watch it you twat!” Severus ignored him and tried to continue past, but James blocked his path, smirking. “I saw you that day, you know. Covered in bruises and with a black eye. Looks like someone finally gave you what you deserved, huh Snape?” 

Red filled Severus’s gaze and there was no warning for the fist that connected with James’s face. As James cried out in pain and stumbled back, Severus used his whole body to push James to the ground and kept hitting anything his fists could connect with as hard as he could. It was only as he felt someone physically pull him off the other boy that he registered the pain in his hands that signified broken bones. 

Hours later, he once again found himself in the hospital wing with Remus sitting silently by his side. He had spent the last few hours being lectured by both Slughorn and McGonagall, but he had refused to say anything about what had happened. Eventually McGonagall had given up, leaving him with a warning to expect future consequences. 

Remus and Carrie had been sent for, but only Remus had shown up. He had been given special permission to stay the night in the Hospital Wing with Severus for whatever reason. Perhaps it was to add another safeguard for Potter who was in a section further down being treated for a broken nose, missing teeth, and a concussion. 

The anger and adrenaline had left Severus and in their place was an aching emptiness. It honestly felt worse than the anger. Laying there in the gathering darkness, Severus wondered if it was possible for a feeling to physically eat away at your body like a cancer until there was nothing left. 

Remus suddenly shifted forward, lightly laying a hand over his. Severus wanted to snatch his hand away from the contact, but he didn’t have any more willpower to move and so he merely laid there looking at the ceiling. 

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Remus suddenly broke the silence with his soft statement. 

Enough curiosity prodded him to turn his head slightly to look at Remus. 

“It’s not your fault,” Remus repeated a little more strongly. 

“... Potter’s broken nose would say otherwise,” came the toneless response. 

“Not that. I’m talking about what happened between you and your father. It’s not your fault.” 

The words echoed through Severus’s mind as he sat there in stunned silence not knowing how to respond to that. As the words settled across his soul, it felt like something was once again breaking inside of him. It took him a moment to register that tears were slipping silently down his face, but as soon as he did, he couldn’t stop the wracking sobs that broke from him. 

Remus gently crawled onto the bed with him and pulled Severus into his arms, rocking him back and forth while murmuring comfort into his hair. Severus didn’t know how long he clung to Remus, crying his eyes out, but soon words were slipping out that he had never voiced aloud. Just like his tears, he couldn’t stop the words he’d thought to himself in his darkest moments from finally seeing the light. 

“B-but what if it i-s my f-fault? W-what if I’m th-e re-reason my fa-ther became thi-s way?” He sobbed into Remus’s shoulder. “Mummy s-said he used to b-be kind. Th-ey loved each oth-ther! Th-this only happened b-because I was bo-rn!” At this heartbreaking declaration, his sobbing took over again and as the pain welled up within him, he couldn’t stop the scream that he muffled against Remus’s embracing arms. It was only after his sobs had faded away into sniffles that he realized Remus was shaking and felt the dampness that indicated his were not the only tears. 

A while later, Severus realized that he felt lighter than he ever had in his entire life. It was as though he had lanced a poisoned wound and though there was still an aching emptiness in his core, it was now free from the poison and darkness that had filled it up. He felt renewed. He suddenly wanted to stand outside in a thunderstorm. 

Remus hadn’t stopped holding Severus and they were both still snuggled together, but the other boy’s deep breathing made him realize that Remus had drifted off to sleep. Severus couldn’t blame him, he was also exhausted from everything that had transpired, but his mind couldn’t seem to settle down enough for sleep just yet. 

It was then that one of his curtains was drawn back and Madam Pomfrey peeked inside. Smiling when she saw that he was awake, she bustled over and handed him a piece of chocolate to nibble on. He felt a few more tears leak out of his horribly puffy eyes as she brushed his hair back from his eyes and gave him a lovingly gentle smile before bustling back out. Sighing in bittersweet contentment, Severus snuggled closer to Remus and let sleep finally claim him.


	3. Right With the World

Remus woke up with Severus snuggled into his side, clutching tightly to Remus’s shirt even in sleep. Remus’s eyes were crusted over from all of his tears yesterday, his nose was stuffy, and he had a raging headache due to dehydration, but he hadn’t felt so peaceful in a really long time. His wolf seemed to be more settled than ever as it growled contently in the back of his mind at being so close to its mate all night. Looking over at the clock, however, he knew he had to get up and go to class. The full moon was coming up and he felt like he was already behind in all of his studies. As much as he wanted to stay with Severus, he knew he had other things to do as well. Why must everything be so difficult? 

Heaving an internal sigh, Remus tried to gently disentangle himself from Severus who scrunched up his nose in clear discontentment. Mumbling in his sleep, Severus tried to pull Remus back towards himself and Remus had to fight back the urge to tackle the other boy in a violently affectionate hug. Severus really was too cute for his own good. Knowing he not only had classes, but homework, and apprenticeship studies waiting for him, Remus pried Severus’s fingers softly from his shirt and tucked the other boy back under the covers. Looking down at him, with his heart beating faster and faster, Remus couldn’t resist brushing the softest kiss against Severus’s forehead before leaving. Merlin, he was so gone on this boy. 

As he walked down the long aisle towards Poppy’s office to say goodbye, he passed James’s bed. James was already awake and he was sitting up, contemplating his hands. Hearing Remus pass, James looked up and his eyes widened briefly. Remus knew James hadn’t actually started a fight with Severus, but he couldn’t help the anger that swept through him at what James had said to Severus the night before. Merlin, last night already felt like it happened ages ago. For some reason Remus paused in front of James’s bed, not knowing if he was actually going to say anything, but unexpectedly, James beat him to it. 

“I’m sorry, Remus.” 

Remus was stunned. He hadn’t ever heard James apologize like that before. Carefully examining the other boy, Remus realized James was being completely sincere. 

“... While I appreciate you saying that, it’s not me you should be apologizing to,” Remus replied softly. 

“Yeah, I know. I’ll apologize to him too, but I wanted you to know I was sorry as well. I… I don’t know if either of you can ever forgive me for what I’ve done, but I promise 

I won’t do it ever again. Not to you or him or anyone else. I was a right bastard and well… I heard you both last night and I realized that… well… I won’t do it again.” 

_Will wonders never cease_ Remus thought to himself. Something softened in Remus and he knew it wouldn’t do either of them any good to hold onto grudges. “Thanks mate. Apology accepted… on my part at least. I’ll see you later, yeah? Got to get to class.” James gave a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. With a nod and soft smile of his own, Remus went in search of Poppy to take his leave before heading to class. 

It was a good thing he knew how to take good notes by now and study from them effectively, because he was sure he would be getting trolls in everything otherwise. He met up with Carrie to head to transfiguration and filled her in a little with what had happened. He left out everything Severus had said, however, feeling it was too personal and Severus should be allowed to share those things on his own if or when he felt ready to do so. It was strange, however, because even though Carrie responded happily at Severus’s progress, she wasn’t quite as enthusiastic as was her norm. 

Something felt off to Remus and he took a closer look at her, but nothing seemed different other than she looked a bit tired. They were all tired, however, so Remus shook it off as him being paranoid about his friends’ wellbeings. When they met up for dinner and Remus invited her to go with him to see Severus in the Hospital Wing, however, Carrie begged off saying she was already behind on homework and had a test the next day so she couldn’t make it. When she wouldn’t meet his eyes when talking though, his nerves picked up again. Maybe she just didn’t know how to approach Severus after what had gone down between them? Perhaps he should talk to Severus about reaching out to her. 

It was hard to separate from Carrie after dinner because he felt like he was abandoning one friend for another, but he couldn’t stop the pull of checking in on Severus. As such, he stuffed his books, parchment, and quills into his bag and headed off to the hospital wing. Approaching Severus’s bed, he saw that the curtains had been pulled aside and James was standing there stiffly. 

“-don’t have to accept it, but I just wanted to apologize for everything I’ve done to you,” James’s voice was quiet but earnest as he stood with his back ramrod straight and his hands balled into fists. 

Remus stopped walking and ducked behind another curtain. He knew he shouldn’t be listening in, but if he left at this point, they would hear him and he didn’t want to disturb the conversation. 

Silence stretched for a minute and Remus couldn’t help but chew on his lip as he nervously wondered what Severus’s response would be. 

“... I admit I never expected an apology from you. I was trying to think how to approach you to offer my own apology.” 

“What?” James’s voice rang out in obvious surprise. 

“While you may have said something nasty to me this time around, you didn’t deserve what I did to you. It was horribly ungentlemanly of me and I seriously hurt you. I never want to be like that. Ever. Not to anyone. While I don’t feel guilty for defending myself against you in the past, I do feel guilty for beating you senseless without provocation. I would appreciate it if you would also accept my apology.” 

“I… err… to be honest, I’m not quite sure I understood everything you just said, but I don’t blame you for punching me. I deserved it and like I said, I’m sorry and I won’t do it again.” 

Wiping furiously at tears he couldn’t seem to stop, Remus rolled his eyes at himself, he really was sick of crying and he didn’t want another headache. 

“No. No one deserves to be treated like that. A man should only use violence in protection of himself and those he loves. Even then, he should try everything else before resorting to violence, otherwise it’s just senseless pain and everybody is left suffering,” Severus’s voice became more quiet with each word until he tapered off into silence. 

“... Yeah. You’re right. I’ve never thought about it like that before. You’re alright Sna… can I call you Severus?” 

“... You may… James.” 

Jealousy shot through Remus and he was shocked by the fervor. Bloody hell, he needed to calm down. It’s not like James was a threat or anything, he was so gone on Lily Evans that there was no way he would be interested in anyone else, least of all the boy he used to bully. Taking deep breaths, Remus sat there lecturing himself as James took his leave after thanking Severus and wishing him well. 

“I know you’re hiding behind that curtain Remus,” an amused Severus called out to him. 

Smiling sheepishly as he came out from behind the curtain, Remus approached the bed and sat down on the edge of it with a chuckle. 

“Sorry about that, I just really didn’t want to interrupt, but I also didn’t want to leave. And if I’m being completely honest, I wanted to hear what the both of you were going to say.” 

Huffing out a laugh, Severus rolled his eyes, “Why are my two best friends so nosey? One of these days you’re going to stick those noses where they don’t belong and lose them.” Severus’s face suddenly fell and he looked down at the bed, playing with a loose thread. “... I see Carrie’s not here,” he said in a carefully neutral tone. 

Eyes softening, Remus reached out and patted Severus on the leg. “Sorry Sev, she said she had a lot of homework and a test tomorrow, but she said James was a tosser who deserved it. She also wanted me to tell you how happy she is that you’re alright and that she sends hugs and kisses.” 

Smiling a little forlornly, Severus dropped his gaze again looking guilty. “I… I said some horrible things to her Remus. She didn’t deserve that and I don’t know if I have a right to her friendship anymore.” 

“Sev, no! Don’t even go there. We both care for you and we’re all still friends. Sure this has been one hell of a rough patch, but I’m sure all you need to do is reach out to her and you both can talk and it’ll all be okay. If anything, your friendship will deepen because of this!” Remus stopped in confusion as he saw a teasing smirk on Severus’s face. 

“Sev, huh?” Severus asked in amusement. 

“Sorry, what?” 

“You’re calling me ‘Sev,’ Remus.” 

“I… oh. Whoops.” Remus rubbed the back of his neck as he chuckled nervously. He hadn’t noticed the slip into the nickname he had taken to calling Severus in his head. Severus merely laughed, shaking his head. “I’ve never had a nickname before… unless you count Carrie calling me ‘your highness.’ So I guess I should say I’ve never had a normal nickname before. It’s okay if you want to keep calling me ‘Sev’... I rather like it, to be honest.” 

Remus couldn’t stop the blush that tinted his cheeks, and so he busied himself with putting his bag on the ground. It was at that moment that Madam Pomfrey bustled over and Remus sat back up, thanking his lucky stars. 

“Well my dears, how is our patient doing? Since Severus has agreed to let you practice your diagnostic spells, Remus, we’ll get right to it!” 

Remus had been practicing the basic diagnostic spells that Poppy had said would be a very important foundation for him as a healer. He had never performed those spells on someone else and he was especially nervous to try them on Severus, of all people. Severus gave him an encouraging smile, however, and Remus knew there was no better place to practice these things than in the actual Hospital Wing with a very accomplished healer next to him in case he managed to muck things up. Taking a deep breath, he ran through the different circuit of spells checking temperature, heart, lungs, bones, muscles, and digestive system. 

Once he was finished, he looked over at Poppy with a nervous glance only to see her beaming at him. “That was absolutely wonderful, dear! Just watch your wand movements with the lungs, I know you understand how important it is to get them just right, but besides that you did perfectly. I’ll have you doing these checks so often they’ll soon become second nature.” 

He flushed happily at the praise and looked down to see Severus smiling warmly up at him. “I think you’re going to be a perfectly wonderful healer, Remus,” he said with a decisive nod. “When you told me this is what you wanted to become, I knew straight away that it was the perfect choice for someone as calm, patient, and kind as you.” 

If people didn’t stop complimenting him, he was going to combust. Pulling out both his and Severus’s homework, they both settled in to work until curfew at which point Poppy came over to give them more chocolate and send them both back to their respective houses. 

~*~ 

Winter slowly turned to spring and while things had calmed down for Remus, his guilt grew as each full moon passed. He felt horrible having to continue to lie to his friends, but if he wanted to keep them safe, he really had no choice. It was lucky for him that he was able to claim absence due to his new apprenticeship now. Remus had also taken to applying glamour makeup to hide all of his new cuts and bruises. There were still moments where Severus’s eyes would sharpen in suspicion, but he never asked questions and Remus never supplied answers. Carrie made no comments, however. 

As the weeks passed, she became less and less energetic, disappearing more frequently and reappearing more fatigued than before. She became forgetful and clumsy and often had intense and unexpected mood swings. Severus had tried speaking to her to apologize and even though she had given him a hug and her own heartfelt apology, nothing had been quite the same since then. While she was not avoiding either Severus or himself, she no longer actively looked for them either. Her throat seemed to be bothering her and Remus wondered if she was coming down with something. 

He had wanted to talk to her about what the problem was, but he figured she was still trying to process everything that had happened and so he had left her alone until now, hoping it would sort itself out. It was after she had missed yet another study session that she had promised to attend that Remus finally decided to confront her about what was going on. Enough was enough and he missed his friend. 

Walking down towards the kitchens where he could only assume she was hiding, he rounded a corner to see her hurrying down the hall in the opposite direction, clutching her stomach. Something held him back from calling out to her and instead he chose to follow behind her to see where she was going in such a hurry. It was close to curfew, but she was heading in the opposite direction from Slytherin house. Not wanting to be spotted by her, he followed at a distance, relying on his nose to lead him. 

He ended up in front of Moaning Myrtle’s lavatory and peered about to see if anyone was around. This was very strange. If Carrie only needed to use the loo there were at least five they had passed on their way here. Feeling his anxiety rise again, he told himself if he heard any embarrassing noises he would leave immediately and pretend this had never happened. At that thought, he quietly entered the loo looking around for her. He heard nothing for a minute, but saw where she had closed the stall door. It was then that his keen ears picked up the slight sound of heaving and vomit splashing into a toilet. What was happening? Was she sick? If so, why hadn’t she gone straight into one of the other toilets? 

Remus’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud bang and then utter silence. 

“Carrie?!” Rushing over, Remus hammered on the door. “Carrie, it’s me! I know you’re in there! Are you alright? What’s happened?” When no answer came, Remus began to panic. Dropping to his knees, he peered under the door and gasped when he saw Carrie’s body lying twisted and unconscious on the floor. “CARRIE!” 

Spelling the door open as fast as he could, he dropped down next to her and immediately started casting his diagnostic spells to make sure it was safe to move her. He didn’t want to risk anything. She had a bad bump on her head, but nothing broken and so he dragged her out into the open to finish his diagnostics. Carrie’s intestines and throat were badly inflamed and she was running a high fever. Remus was strong; stronger than most thirteen year-olds, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to carry her all the way to the Hospital Wing by himself. He didn’t want to leave her alone, however, so he placed his cloak underneath her head and hurried over to his bags to take out two sheets of paper. After scribbling notes to both Poppy and Severus, he charmed them into birds and he sent them off with a hastening spell. 

As he waited, heart thundering, he wanted to cast the other basic healing spells he was learning, but was too afraid that if he messed them up, they would only worsen the damage. Instead, he tore off a portion of his robe, wet it, and used it to dab around Carrie’s face and forehead, hoping it might help to cool her fever a little. It was as he was going back to the sink to wet the rag again that Severus rushed into the lavatory panting. 

Severus’s eyes widened when he saw Carrie on the floor and he rushed over looking at Remus in fear. “What’s-” 

“No time to explain! Help me levitate her, we need to get her to the Hospital Wing!” Severus nodded sharply and they both cast the spell and walked as quickly as they dared out of the bathroom. Rounding a corner, they came face to face with a determined looking McGonagall. 

“Madam Pomfrey informed me of the situation, come to my office and we shall send you all through the floo to the Hospital Wing.” Casting her own charm, she led them down the hall and into her office. Throwing the floo powder into the fireplace, she led them all through into the Hospital Wing and helped deliver Carrie into Madam Pomfrey’s waiting arms. 

While Poppy worked on Carrie, Severus hugged Remus, hiding his face in Remus’s torn robes. After a while, Madam Pomfrey turned to them with a soft, tired smile. 

“She’s out of danger, my boys. She’s resting peacefully now, but it’ll be a while before she wakes up and she needs undisturbed rest. It’s best if you go back to your houses for now. You can return to them by my fireplace since the entrances to your common rooms are already sealed for the night. You can come see her tomorrow during breaks or after classes. Well done with your diagnostics Remus, your information allowed me to pinpoint and address the problem much more quickly than I would have done otherwise.” 

“But what’s wrong with her, Professor? Did she catch something? Did she get hexed?” Severus asked in a small voice. 

Poppy paused and sighed, “She isn’t ill with anything catching and she wasn’t hexed. I’m afraid I shall have to leave it up to her to decide whether or not she wants to tell you what’s going on. I would encourage you to try to talk to her about it. I think she’ll need some extra support from you both as she recovers from this.” 

“Thank you, Poppy,” McGonagall cut in abruptly. “I’ll be taking these two back to your office to send them to bed, then.” Looking at both of them pointedly, McGonagall led them back to Poppy’s office and sent Remus on ahead saying that she needed to discuss Mr. Snape’s punishment. 

Clutching his pillow, Remus buried his face into it as he finally let the tears go that he had been holding back. This was all awful. This entire half of the term had been dreadful and it felt like nothing would ever be right with the world again. He was so tired of crying and being scared for his friends. Grabbing Severus’s letters that he kept underneath his pillows, he tried to calm himself with their scent, but it was hours before Remus finally drifted into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me! Fluff is on the horizon!!


	4. Differences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Discussions of eating disorder

Severus had no idea what to expect when McGonagall took him to her office after sending Remus on his way. He wasn’t going to complain, obviously, but it did seem rather low of the teacher to discuss his punishment with him right after the scare they had had with Carrie. Having no choice but to follow her, however, he merely took a deep breath and followed her through the fire into her own office. 

Whatever punishment she saw fit to give him, he knew he deserved. Even though James had insulted him, he hadn’t deserved the beating Severus gave him. Severus suppressed a shudder at the sheer violence that had left both of them bloodied and broken. Never again. Severus was never going to do that to another human again. He knew all too well what that kind of treatment felt like and he didn’t want to become that kind of person. 

McGonagall sat herself down behind her desk and indicated that Severus sit as well and so he did. Trying not to fiddle nervously with his robes, Severus grew more and more confused as McGonagall snapped her fingers and summoned a house elf. 

An elf covered in tea towels appeared already bowing.“Is Mistress going to be wanting tea?” 

“Yes, thank you Bippy, that’ll be all.” The elf nodded with a smile and popped away only to reappear a couple seconds later with a heavily laden tray which they set on the table and left again just as quickly. 

“How do you take your tea, Mr. Snape?” She asked casually as she began putting spoonful after spoonful of sugar into her own. 

It took Severus a minute to recover enough from his shock and confusion to answer. “I… I prefer milk and honey, thank you Professor.” 

Adding a dash of milk and honey to the tea, McGonagall passed the cup over to him and pushed the large assortment of biscuits across the desk. They then proceeded to drink their tea in silence and Severus’s confusion once again began to overwhelm him. The tea was very lovely, though and after such a fright it was very much welcomed. 

Putting his cup down, he decided to cut to the chase instead of prolonging his agony. “I hope you don’t think me too forward, Professor, but I would really appreciate knowing what my punishment is to be.” 

Putting her own cup down, McGonagall gazed at Severus with pursed lips. After a moment she indicated her desk and said, “This, Mr. Snape.” 

“This?” He asked utterly lost. 

“This,” she reiterated emphatically. “Your punishment is that you will take tea with me after classes once a week for the rest of the term.” 

Severus blinked. That… that was not what he had expected. 

“Don’t… don’t you think I deserve to be punished, Professor? Tea with you once a week hardly seems like discipline.” 

Arching an eyebrow at him, McGonagall tilted her head to the side in a very feline gesture saying, “I think not, Mr. Snape. In my opinion, you have been punished enough to last a lifetime. Of course, further similar behavior will not be tolerated and I shall be keeping a close eye on you. We shall have weekly discussions about your classes, your career aspirations, and you may speak to me about any concerns you may have of a personal nature as well as professional. 

This, however, will be all for today, I think. Please let me know if you have any preferences in tea or biscuits and I shall endeavor to make sure they are provided. I shall see you next week on Friday at 8 p.m. You may use my fireplace tonight to get back into your common room. Goodnight, Mr. Snape.” Standing up sharply, she strode over to the fire and waited until Severus was next to her before throwing the floo powder in and sending him through. 

Severus hadn’t even had time to nod or respond to the unexpected things McGonagall was saying and so he merely said a soft goodnight as well and walked through the fire into his common room. He promptly stepped over to a couch and dropped onto it, staring at the ground feeling like there was no way he could process everything that had just happened. Worry and guilt warred within him about Carrie, shock and confusion were still swirling in regards to McGonagall’s words, and he suddenly realized that he was desperately yearning for Remus’s comforting embrace to calm the internal turmoil. 

Grabbing a pillow, Severus lowered himself to the ground and curled into the fetal position in front of the glowing fire. The warmth softly invaded his body and he felt himself relax even as he clutched the pillow to himself. Everything felt so topsy-turvy. He was still trying to work through everything that had happened over the break… everything that had happened his whole life if he was honest. Severus was also trying to be more open about his thoughts and feelings as well as his experiences, but it was hard to suddenly let go of things he had kept so tightly within himself. It was hard to trust. There was still a part of him that expected both Carrie and Remus to leave him suddenly. That was why he hadn’t tried as hard as he could to reconnect with Carrie after everything that had happened between them. 

It was true he had apologized and even though she had apologized as well and had forgiven him, their friendship wasn’t the same afterwards. Severus had figured it was because she had finally seen the real him and hadn’t liked what she saw. It was clear he didn’t deserve her friendship anymore and there was no way he would blame her for leaving. As such, he hadn’t questioned it when she had started pulling away. If she wanted to leave, who was he to stop her? After tonight, however, he couldn’t just leave her alone. Even if she no longer wanted anything to do with him, he would help take care of her until she was better and then he would leave her alone, if she so wished. There was no way he was just going to abandon her in her hour of need. What type of person would that make him? Not the type of person he wanted to be, that’s for sure. 

Someone was shaking his shoulder gently, and Severus scrunched his nose unhappily slurring, “...R’muss… go’way, m’sleeping…” 

They huffed a laugh and said in a low voice, “Sorry, but I’m not your golden Gryffindor, just your annoying roommate. I wondered where you’d got to. I wasn’t expecting to find you asleep in front of the fire, that’s for sure. If you don’t go to sleep in your own bed you’ll hate yourself in the morning.” 

By this time Severus was slightly more awake and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, glaring up at Regulus who was grinning down at him. 

“I mean, if you want to be bloody sore in the morning, be my guest, but I figured you’d appreciate the help.” 

Heaving a sigh, Severus stood up and hissed at how sore his body had already become. Following the older boy to their shared room, he grumbled a cranky thank you before smothering himself in his blankets and slipping back into sleep. 

~*~ 

The next day, Severus debated what he was going to do about Carrie all through his classes. It was highly difficult to concentrate during the lessons and he barely listened to Remus as the other boy chatted with him during meal times. 

During dinner, Severus finally made up his mind and unknowingly cut Remus off in the middle of a sentence by saying, “Remus, I’m going to make something for Carrie and take it to her tonight. I would like to visit her alone, however, because I think there are still some things that need to be said between us. We can’t always rely on you to bridge the gap. That would be cowardly and unfair.” 

This declaration was met with a soft smile and Remus only nodded saying, “I understand, Sev. Maybe we could go together tomorrow? It’s her last day there and I’m pretty sure she would love it if we were there for her.” 

Agreeing to the plan, Severus left and headed towards the kitchens. Upon entering them, he found Toodles and asked if there was any way he could teach Severus how to make a soup that was good for helping someone to heal. It was as he was following the recipe that Severus discovered that making soup was much more similar to potions than baking was. In fact, he seemed to have quite an affinity for it, just as he did for potions. It was with a great sigh of relief that he poured the light, but fortifying soup into a bowl charmed not to spill and headed towards the Hospital Wing. 

He found Carrie snuggled down into her bed with her homework, looking much more vibrant and healthy than she had been in the past several weeks. She looked up as he approached and her eyes widened in nervousness. Sadness filled Severus as he realized he probably wouldn’t be able to keep Carrie as a friend for much longer if she became this nervous around him. Cursing himself for his stupidly rash actions, he gently put the bowl down on her bedside table and sat at the edge of his chair, looking down at his knees. He knew it was cowardly, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say these things while looking into her eyes knowing he had ruined their friendship. 

Taking a deep breath, he launched into the speech he had memorized.“I… I made this soup for you Carrie and you don’t have to eat it, but it’s very good for you and will give you strength and help the healing process. 

I also wanted to tell you again how sorry I am that I’ve ruined our friendship. You were just trying to help me and I lashed out at you and said the most horrible things. I know I don’t deserve your friendship anymore and you have every right to never speak to me again, but I want you to know I will always love and regard you as one of the best people of my acquaintance. 

I know you must look at me differently now that you know more about my past and how violent a person I am in both word and action, but I promise I will never say or do anything to hurt you again as long as I live. I understand you never want to see me again, but I hope I can obtain your forgiveness anyways, even though I know that it’s selfish of me and I don’t deserve it.” Finishing his speech, he steeled himself and looked up at the girl in front of him only to find tears streaming down her face as silent sobs racked her body. 

Letting out a frustrated groan, she scrubbed her hands over her face and grabbed a handkerchief to blow her nose. Taking a deep breath of her own, she sat up further in her bed and turned to fully face Severus. 

“N-now you listen here you stupidly, stupid, stupid-faced, idiot. We are best friends. We will always be best friends. And I will follow you into the after-life to plague you with my friendship. There is literally no escaping it. I’m really really sorry that I haven’t been myself the last while, and I’ll tell you about that later, but I really need you to understand that you will never be rid of me. We will be friends forever whether you like it or not. 

It was me who thought that I didn’t deserve to be your friend anymore. I was acting all out of sorts because… because… because I should have known! I should have helped somehow! It’s all my fault, I didn’t pay enough attention and, and, and I didn’t see the signs! And I should’ve been a better friend because if I had been then you would have trusted me enough to come to me about all of this! But I wasn’t and I sent you back to that hell and that horrible bastard and, and, and it’s all my fault.” At this, she buried her face in her hands and gasped for breath as more tears escaped. 

Severus was shocked. He sat there open mouthed, unable to respond to such a… _stupidly lovable_ declaration. Instead he tentatively reached out his hands and pulled Carrie’s away from her face so he could look directly in her eyes to say, “Now who’s the stupid one?” 

“Wha-what?” Carrie hiccoughed out, looking at him in puffy-eyed confusion. 

“Carrie… This… this has been my life as long as I can remember. You're not the one who turned my father into a raging alcoholic, you're not the one who made my father beat his wife and child, you’re not the one who made my mother so scared that she was unable to be brave enough for her child or for herself to leave. How? How could you even _think_ any of this is your fault?” 

“B-but you never said anything… you didn’t trust me.” 

Severus sighed and shook his head. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you Carrie. In fact you and Remus are the only people I _do_ trust. It’s just that… I… I didn’t want to be a burden. I wanted to pretend like everything was fine and just be… happy. I just wanted to be normal, even for a little while. I didn’t want you looking at me differently after you found out. Just like… just like you seem to feel all of this was your fault, I also thought it was my fault.” 

“WHAT?!” Carrie shouted as she clutched Severus’s hands harder. “How could you ever think that?! Of course it’s not your fault!” 

Severus shrugged helplessly, “I thought… that I had made my dad this way just by being born. I didn’t want to face that and I didn’t want to see the looks on your faces confirming my worst fears. I understand now, a little better that those worst fears are just that: fears. The thing is, just like you’re saying it’s not my fault, I’m saying it’s not your fault either. Just like it isn’t Remus’s fault. Or our professors’. Or even my mother’s… It’s my father’s fault. It’s all on him. Sure, I was born, but I’m starting to understand that he chose to do all of this. He _chose_ to hurt me and my mother. He _chose_ to do that… and that… that makes him a horrible human being. And I hate him. I _hate_ him. But in no way, shape, or form, do I blame you or anyone else… including myself, for what he’s chosen to do.” 

At this, Carrie surged forward and hugged Severus as hard as she could. Clinging to him, she kept whispering, “I love you. Love you, Sev. Love you.” 

Severus clung to her just as hard and told her how much he loved her as well. Pulling back after a few minutes, Severus leveled her with a serious look. “While I understand now the miscommunications that were happening between us, I don’t understand why you got so sick. I was _terrified_ , Carrie. What happened to you?” 

Heaving a heavy sigh, Carried laid back on her pillows and started fidgeting with her bed sheets. “You know how you were worried that I would look at you differently if I knew the whole truth about your situation? Well… I’m the same way. You were right when you said I had a perfect family. My mom and dad are amazing, my siblings are amazing, everyone is so talented and to top it all off, they’re kind and genuine people. They’re _perfect_. And I’m… not. 

I’ve always been different from all of my family members. If you saw us all together,” Carrie scoffed, “you would think I was adopted. In fact, when I was little, I had convinced myself that I actually was adopted. As I grew up, I wasn’t as coordinated, or pretty, or smart, or nice. I was a clumsy, grouchy, stupid, pudgy little devil and it felt all the worse knowing my family loved me in spite of all of that,” trailing off, Carrie looked out of a far window in contemplation. 

“When I first came to school, even though none of my family had been in Slytherin before, everyone knew my other siblings and my family’s reputation. We’re pretty famous, like I told you… and I was bullied really badly by the other Slytherins. It was like they were bringing up all the worst things that I already thought about myself and I didn’t… didn’t cope well with it.” At this, she seemed to sink further into the pillows as if to hide from her own words. 

“There was one day where I had eaten too much food and felt horrible, knowing I was gaining more and more weight and looking even less like my family. I felt really gross and ended up throwing up… and it… felt amazing,” she admitted with an uncomfortable shrug. 

“There was such a sense of relief and freedom and control. It didn’t escalate right away, but I couldn’t forget that experience. As time went on that first year I started doing it more and more. I would eat too much and then puke it all up and even though I felt really good right afterwards, I started feeling worse overall. 

It got harder and harder to think, my hair started falling out more, my throat felt like it was constantly burning, and I became weaker and weaker. It was at that point that I knew something was really wrong with me and I became scared. 

I finally went to talk to Madam Pomfrey and she asked me to start seeing her on a regular basis as a mind healer. The more we talked, the more I was able to like myself for who I was and realize that I didn’t have to try to change myself in order to accept myself. There was still the urge to deal with my stress in that way, every now and then, but I knew I was hurting myself and I didn’t want to live like that.” Taking a deep breath, Carrie looked up at Severus with a soft smile. 

“Madam Pomfrey encouraged me to talk with my family about it and I thought she was crazy. I was so scared. You should’ve been there, though. I was basically tackled by all of them and given so much love and affection and support and I realized then that my family didn’t love me _in spite_ of all the ways I was different from them. They loved me _because_ I was me.” 

Silent tears started to drip down Carrie’s face again as she continued in a quiet voice, “Ever since then, I haven’t had a relapse… until everything happened with you. Not only did I go back to dealing with my stress that way, but it was worse than it ever was before because no matter how much I threw up, I knew I couldn’t fix your situation. I couldn’t take away your pain. I couldn’t help. Instead of finding relief, it felt like I was punishing myself, but it also felt like I deserved it and so I didn’t want to stop and then I pushed myself too far and my body finally gave out… So now you know.” 

They sat there for several minutes in silence. So much sadness, empathy, and love swirled around in Severus and he didn’t know what he could possibly say to make it all better. As a result he poked Carrie to the side of the bed and got onto it with her, snuggling into her side. They laid on the bed snuggling for a while before Severus finally said, 

“When you said no one had made food for you before, I thought it was because your family might not approve of that stuff.” 

Carrie snorted and started giggling, “No,” she said with an unexpected snort. “No, it’s because my family is the absolute _worst_ at any type of baking or cooking. They burn water! I’m sure they could find a way to burn air! So they gave up before I was born and we have a house elf that makes all our meals, unless I’m home, in which case I do all the cooking.” 

Severus huffed a laugh as well and whispered gently, “I love you, Carrie. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much, and I’m sorry for your pain. But like you said, I’m stuck with you now, and you’re stuck with me. It’ll be okay. Just please don’t hurt yourself anymore. As much as I know you’d come back to haunt me, I prefer a friend who is still alive and well.” 

Squeezing Severus’s arm with a teary chuckle, Carrie nodded her head against the shoulder she was leaning on. “I suppose I’ll stick around to make sure you and Remus stay out of more trouble… he knows by the way. I told him all of this yesterday, but I knew I wanted to tell you myself.” 

Severus squeezed Carrie’s arm as well and made a sound of understanding. Carrie took a breath and continued, “Madam Pomfrey wants me to come talk to her again on a regular basis, at least until the end of the term and I was wondering if you would come with me? I already asked Remus and he agreed, but I really want you there with me as well.” 

Nudging Carrie back up, Severus looked at her with determination and smiled, “Of course I’ll go with you Carrie. I think it’ll help me too.” 

As they snuggled back down together, Severus saw Remus enter the hospital wing and start walking towards them with a huge smile on his face. Severus hugged Carrie tighter and felt an overwhelming sense of peace descend over him and he knew they were going to be alright. He had his best friends back and they would get through this. Together.


	5. Territorial

As the weeks went by, the trio settled into a rhythm. They ate together, went to their classes, and studied afterwards in their favorite corner of the library. On Wednesdays they all went to speak with Madam Pomfrey and on Fridays Severus went to have his punishment tea with McGonagall. Severus thrived on the routine and stability and he was feeling happier and happier as each day passed. 

Having weekly tea with McGonagall was surprisingly wonderful. She didn’t mince words and was very direct about what she thought and why she had those opinions, but Severus appreciated not having to guess what she could possibly be thinking. If he wanted to know something, he could just ask her and get a truthful, unemotional response. 

In the beginning, he had been nervous about asking questions she might not want to answer. He had never been allowed to ask questions before. It always ended in pain. Sure, Severus knew he could ask general questions in class, but he had never spoken on such personal terms with an adult before without there being danger surrounding the situation. 

As a result, it was still very difficult for him to speak with adults about all of the things that had happened to him or to ask more personal questions. Sometimes it still felt like it was all his fault, but speaking with Madam Pomfrey as a mind healer and listening to his friends’ hardships helped him to start realizing he was more than what his father had done to him. Even though he enjoyed the mind healing sessions, many times he just listened as Madam Pomfrey and Carrie discussed certain ideas about self worth, self love, and self understanding. Remus was there in a more professional capacity as he was shadowing Madam Pomfrey to understand her role as a mind healer as well as a healer of the body, and so he rarely participated. 

As Severus took a bite of a crisp apple, he warmed at the thought of how well Remus was handling his new role as apprentice. Being a healer truly was Remus’s calling. His soothing voice and calm, unflappable demeanor was already having an effect on the students going to the hospital wing. At this thought, Severus’s good mood deflated a little. He was happy for Remus, but he wasn’t happy about how there suddenly seemed to be many more people going to the Hospital Wing claiming headaches or stomach aches. 

As time went on, it seemed like Remus was getting more and more popular. It was just a matter of time before one of them caught his eye. A hot flash of jealousy twisted through Severus as he pictured Remus starting to date someone. It would do no good for Severus to poison them because then they would just end up back in the Hospital Wing, right into Remus’s waiting arms! 

A voice cut into his angered musings. “You alright, Sev? I’ve never seen someone eat an apple so aggressively…” 

Looking into the soft hazel eyes of the boy he was currently agonizing over, Severus swallowed his bite too soon and started choking. Carrie thumped him so hard on the back that his face was nearly forced into his porridge, but he managed to swallow the apple and began coughing violently. 

Remus stood up and leaned over the table looking even more concerned than he had been before. Grabbing a goblet of pumpkin juice, he carefully placed it in Severus’s hands and held it until he was sure it wouldn’t be dropped. 

Severus was sure his whole body had turned a bright shade of red from the choking, coughing, and overwhelming embarrassment of what had just passed. Taking small sips from the pumpkin juice to make sure that he didn’t choke again, he thanked his friends and assured them he was alright. Carrie hadn’t stopped laughing. Damn her. He needed to think. 

There was still at least an hour before his first class, and even though they normally hung with each other during this time, Severus decided to go on a walk to clear his head and sort his emotions. There was something going on within him that he had been ignoring, it just hadn’t been a priority. Survival had been a priority. But now that things were settling down, he had a moment to really think about what was going on with him. 

Severus wondered if he should give some excuse, but then he realized there was no need. His friends wouldn’t mind if he just told them he needed a moment to himself, and so that’s exactly what he did. Warmth flooded him at the knowledge that he could trust his friends, even with simple things like this. 

Smiling to himself, he said, “Hey guys, there are some things that I want to think about so I’m just going to take a walk. I’ll see you both at lunch.” 

Carrie narrowed her eyes slightly, raising an eyebrow. 

Chuckling Severus shook his head. “It’s nothing bad, I promise. There’s just been a lot on my mind and I wanted a moment to sort through it.” 

Smiling with a satisfied nod, Carrie waved her hand in a shooing motion and went back to her beans on toast. 

Remus had an expression that Severus couldn’t decipher and so he gave another reassuring smile. Suddenly Remus stood, motioning for Severus to walk to his side of the table. Raising his own eyebrow in confusion, Severus walked around the end of the table over to Remus. As soon as he got close enough, Remus grabbed him into a hug and nuzzled softly into his hair. Good thing he had washed it the day before. 

While it was true that Severus was becoming more and more used to being in close physical contact with his friends, it never failed to set his heart racing when Remus hugged him. He could handle it for short periods, but Remus was getting more and more touchy-feely with him as time went on. It was strange because this was everything he had hoped for when he saw how intimate Carrie and Remus were. All Severus wanted was to be treated equally, but he was starting to take back what he had wished for. Every time Remus got close to him like this, Severus wanted to crawl out of his own skin. Ugh! This was one of the reasons he needed a moment to think! 

Even as he enjoyed the contact, he also desperately wanted to pull away. It was very strange, because he never felt this way with Carrie! Carrie could cling to him for hours and he wouldn’t bat an eyelash. Remus could hug him for thirty seconds and Severus already wanted to run for the hills. 

When Remus finally let go, Severus had to fight against the urge to cling to him again as well as the urge to run from the room as fast as he could. This was barking mad. He was insane. Maybe he should talk to Madam Pomfrey. It seemed like he needed more mind healing than he thought. 

Waving a slightly shaky hand to his friends as he left, Severus made sure he had his books ready for the next class before he made his way out to the lake. Even though it was a rather windy, overcast day, there was a lovely tree right by the lake that he enjoyed spending time under. Sometimes the Giant Squid would put it’s tentacles up on the shore next to him to be tickled and petted. It was both sticky and cute. 

Settling himself under the tree he looked out over the lake and started to sort through the events of this past term. Before he had gotten any headway, however, a voice cut into his thoughts. 

“What on earth are you doing out here when it’s so blasted cold?” 

Looking up, Severus tried and failed to suppress a sigh as Regulus looked down at him in incredulity. Wrapping his arms around his torso, Regulus shivered violently as a gust of wind blew past them. 

“Clearly, I can ask you the same question. Now move along, Black, before you freeze and lose an appendage.” Severus made a shooing motion reminiscent of Carrie and turned back to his musings. 

He was startled when Regulus plopped himself down next to him. Severus let out a huff of amusement when Regulus then proceeded to wiggle himself back into the roots of the tree as far as he could go. 

“You know you could use a warming charm if you’re so cold?” Severus asked as he watched with even greater amusement as Regulus pulled his scarf up to cover his mouth, nose, and ears. 

Scoffing, Regulus shook his head.“I’ve already cast two, but of course the one spell that could really be of use to me is the one spell I’m bloody bad at.” 

Pulling out his wand, Severus cast a warming charm over both of them and Regulus sighed in contentment as the bite of the wind lessened considerably. 

“Thanks, mate. I really appreciate that. Merlin, I’ll ask you to cast one on my bed at night from now on!” 

“Or you could just learn how to cast it correctly,” Severus replied with an ill disguised smirk. 

Elbowing him hard, Regulus settled back into the tree and looked out over the lake. 

“So what are you doing out here first thing in the morning?” Regulus asked again after a few moments of silence. 

Letting out a sigh, Severus leaned back against the tree as well. It’s not like he and Regulus were friends, but Regulus had always been decent towards him. That was why he had asked to be roommates with him. He was the only one who had never made fun of Severus or bullied him in any way. Of course, Regulus had never actively tried to stop it either, but there were several times where Severus had seen Regulus distract the others right before they really lit into him. At first he thought it was a coincidence, but then it kept happening enough that he realized that was Regulus’s way of trying to protect him. 

Apparently he had been silent too long, because Regulus elbowed him again. “Why should I tell you?” Severus asked instead of answering. 

“Because I’m bored and sacrificing my warmth to talk with you,” came the deadpan reply. 

Unable to stop a laugh, Severus thought about it. It might not be that bad to have someone to talk to about this. Regulus could be trusted, at least in general terms. There had been that one time where he had seen Severus’s books, but he had never said anything to anyone else. That had to count for something, right? 

Severus had debated talking to Carrie about what had been happening, but everytime he tried to bring it up something stopped him. Perhaps Regulus could shine some light on what was going on for him, and so he proceeded to describe the things he had been thinking and feeling in regards to Remus. Of course, he left out particulars and didn’t name any names. When he finished, Regulus sat there blinking at him. 

“... So what I’m hearing is that your ass over tits for your golden Gryffindor, but you haven’t realized it yet, Merlin only knows why.” 

Severus was so shocked, all he could do was sit there with his mouth hanging open. 

Regulus stared back at him in incredulous disbelief. “Don’t you read romance novels?! How have you not realized this sooner? Did you honestly not know you’re basically in love with the bastard? And anyone with eyes can tell he’s completely gone on you!” 

Severus shot to his feet. “I- you- he- ‘ass over tits’?! What does that even mean?! We- I- What?! I didn’t even mention Remus! He- I- How?!” 

Regulus got to his feet and calmly brushed his robes off. “Who knew I would be able to make the walking dictionary lose his ability to form whole sentences.” He then took Severus by the shoulders and spoke slowly, as though to a two year old. “You. Like. Remus. Romantically.” 

Severus’s only response was to blink rapidly, trying to quell the panic attack that was starting to surface. 

“But… I’m not an adult yet… I’m only thirteen. How? We… we haven’t even courted or anything…” 

Regulus’s eyes widened and tears suddenly sprang to his eyes as his face became a most impressive shade of red. A shout of laughter left Regulus that was so loud it echoed over the entire lake. Severus was impressed. He’d never heard Regulus truly laugh before. 

Trying to catch his breath, Regulus choked out, “Y-you- wait. W-wait. Just give me a minute…” Taking a deep breath in, Regulus wiped his eyes as his laughter finally died down into chuckles. “S-sorry ‘bout that. Wow. That was amazing. I’m truly not making fun of you. That. That was just the most innocently sweet thing I’ve ever heard.” 

Taking another deep breath to calm himself further, Regulus smiled warmly at Severus. “You may only be thirteen, but you’ve still got feelings. You don’t have to be an adult to fall in love. Sure you should probably wait before anything gets too physical, but honestly I had my first girlfriend when I was eleven. 

I’ve had a couple since then, and I wouldn’t say I was truly ‘in love’ with any of them, but I liked them and we had fun. Sometimes the feelings came before we dated, sometimes they came after we’d already started dating, sometimes they never came at all. It’s all just a matter of time and compatibility.” 

Severus’s mind was still completely boggled, but the truth of Regulus’s words were slowly dawning on him, but he still wasn’t fully convinced. As if Regulus could sense his reticence, he stepped back and looked thoughtful for a moment. 

“Here,” he said, opening his arms wide. “Hug me and see if you have the same type of physical reaction as when you hug Remus.” 

Severus had never hugged anyone other than Carrie and Remus and he was nervous to do so, but Regulus made a fair point and this was a quick way to test his hypothesis, crazy though it was. Taking a deep breath, Severus stepped in to hug the older boy… and felt absolutely nothing. 

With Carrie, there was always a pleasant warmth and calm happiness. With Remus there were so many conflicting emotions, Severus felt like he was never able to truly enjoy the hugs like he wanted to. With Regulus there was just… nothing. It was an entirely strange experience. 

Before he could say anything, however, he heard a loud snarling behind him and suddenly he was being yanked back by his robe and smothered by another body. 

“Wha- I-” Severus spluttered as he tried to figure out what in Merlin’s name was happening. He couldn’t see as he was being pressed firmly into someone’s chest and he was having difficulty breathing for that same reason. 

A shot of pure panic shot through him as all his brain could register was that his father must have followed him to Hogwarts and found him. The fear and adrenaline were so instantaneous that a slight tingling was his only warning before he blacked out. 

Severus slowly came back to himself as though drifting towards the surface of a lake. That’s probably why his face was wet. The feeling was compounded as he felt his body being rocked back and forth gently. It was such a pleasant sensation, he wanted to stay in the moment forever. His hearing slowly returned, however, and he caught words being whispered into his ear. 

“-o, no, no, no. I’m so sorry, Sev, so _fucking_ sorry. So sorry. Come on now. Come back to me. Wake up. Please, wake up. Please. So sorry-” 

Ah. It was Remus. Why was he sorry? He had nothing to be sorry for. Severus needed to reassure him. Why wasn’t his mouth working? With a huge force of will, Severus blinked his eyes open. 

Remus’s face was over his, eyes screwed shut as tears leaked out and landed on Severus’s own face. He seemed to be cradling Severus in his lap as he rocked back and forth. Severus slowly reached a hand up and touched Remus’s face gently. 

“R’mus… s’okay. Why so sad? S’okay…” 

Remus gasped and his eyes flew open at the touch, only to start crying harder at Severus’s slurred words. 

Severus was coming back to himself and sat up with Remus’s help. Regulus was on his knees close by, reaching out as though he wanted to do something, but kept shooting nervous glances towards Remus. 

Everything that had happened, right up until he fainted came back to Severus and his heart accelerated as his eyes darted around in search of his father. Regulus, seeing his distress, moved towards him. Another sharp growl came from behind Severus and this time he whirled around only to see Remus with his teeth bared and eyes flashing yellow. 

Remus clapped a hand over his mouth and looked at Severus in horror. Severus couldn’t understand what was going on. Had Remus just… growled? Why were his eyes yellow? No. They were hazel again. A trick of the light? Probably. But what was with that growl? Was there a dog nearby? Did it matter when his father might be near? 

“Where is he?” Severus asked in a shaky voice. 

Both of the other boys looked at him in confusion. 

“M-my father, where is he?” Severus repeated, trying to take deep breaths. 

At this, Remus moved towards him again making soothing noises. “No, Sev. Your father isn’t here. He was never here. It’s just us. The… the person who grabbed you before… was me. I… I don’t know what came over me. I’m so sorry. So beyond sorry, Sev. I wasn’t thinking and I saw you and Black hugging and I just… I’m so sorry.” 

Hearing his explanation, Severus could only feel relief. A huge sigh left him and as the tension melted from his frame, he sprawled back on the ground as a smile slowly spread over his face. Perhaps he should be angry at Remus for what he did, but he was just so grateful that it wasn’t his father that he couldn’t bring himself to care. He would yell at Remus later. 

Sitting up suddenly, Severus cursed. He was late for class and he had no idea how much of it he had missed. Standing up a little unsteadily, he grabbed his bag and turned towards the other boys who looked at him like they thought he would fall over at any second, and said, “Right. Well, I have no idea what just transpired, but I’m late for class. I’ll talk to the both of you later.” Shooting a warning glare at Remus to behave himself, he trotted off to class. 

Having to tell Professor McGonagall that he was late because he had fainted was not fun, but she accepted his explanation with a nod and an order to see Madam Pomfrey to double check everything was in order. Seeing as he had time to go before lunch, he decided now was as good a time as any. Making his way down the now familiar path, he ran into Remus who looked to be on his way to pick Severus up from his class. 

Severus could almost feel the guilt coming off of Remus in waves as they walked next to each other in silence. Rolling his eyes a little to himself, Severus nudged Remus with his shoulder and gave him a smile saying, “I’m really not angry, you know. Just please try not to do something like that again. I don’t really understand what happened, but it really is fine. No harm done. Truly. I understand that it was an accident, and I don’t blame you. I’m just glad it wasn’t my father.” Severus tugged on Remus’s arm, stopping them both. “I won’t let you beat yourself up for something you didn’t mean to do.” 

Remus looked torn for a second before slowly opening his arms up for a hug. His eyes held a question, as though he wasn’t sure he was allowed to hug Severus anymore. Huffing a laugh, Severus stepped into the other boy’s arms and squeezed as hard as he could. He could feel a chuckle rumble through Remus’s chest and smiled as he felt Remus nuzzle against his hair again. Remus took a deep breath in before stepping out of the hug and giving Severus another smile. Severus was reminded of the dawn as the darkness in Remus’s eyes was chased away and nothing but light and hope remained. 

“What are you two idiots up to now?” Carrie’s voice cut in. 

Both of them turned to see her grinning at them with her hands on her hips. 

“I heard about your little incident by the lake. News travels quickly, you know. Regulus told me I should make sure both of you were still alive. I know he certainly saw his life flash before his eyes. Holy territorial, Remus!” She laughed as Remus flushed crimson and then turned a more serious face to Severus. “You alright, Your Highness? Do I need to punch either of these idiots for you?” 

Severus put his arm around her waist as she slung an arm around his shoulder and they started walking again. “No, Carrie. No punching necessary. I’m pretty sure Remus has beaten himself up enough as it is. I was just on my way to the Hospital Wing before lunch to get the ‘all clear’ from Madam Pomfrey.” 

Nodding, Carrie started chatting about how her day was going, about the idiots in herbology who couldn’t tell a mandrake from a stinging nettle, about the one boy who wouldn’t stop asking her on dates, and the hex she finally sent at him to get her message across. Severus hummed his responses and kept glancing at Remus as they walked. 

As they passed by a window, the sun decided to come out from behind the clouds. In that moment, it shone off of Remus’s light brown hair and seemed to surround him in a halo. Luckily, Severus’s small gasp was covered by Carrie’s loud chatting, but he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away. Even as the light faded, the glow seemed to remain. Severus’s eyes traveled to the soft smile that always adorned Remus’s features, to his freckles and the scars across his cheeks, to the strong set of his shoulders, to his lithe frame. It was as he was looking at Remus’s face again that their eyes locked and Severus felt frozen in time. Oh. Oh dear. 

“-be sure to tell me, okay!” Carrie’s loud voice broke him from the moment, and he shook his head trying to focus again. 

“Sorry, Carrie, can you repeat that? Tell you what?” 

He didn’t have to look to know she was rolling her eyes. “Your birthdays! As I was saying, I heard some random Hufflepuff wishing her friend a happy birthday and that made me realize that I had no idea when your guys’s birthdays are! And that is just unforgivable, so you have to tell me so I can be prepared!” 

Severus and Remus looked at each other and back to Carrie. 

“Mine was in January,” Severus said simply. 

“Mine was last week,” Remus shrugged. 

“WHAT?!” 

Carrie’s indignant shriek could be heard all the way to the dungeons.


End file.
